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Saturday, September 24, 2011

Lost in the Sweetest Nightmare

Those pictures.. No body know they are still in my FB all this while except me. No body know H.I.M still remain in me. No body know what im going through after he left. For the 1st time in my life, i lost my way.
Usually we hear people say "Dream came True". But mine, its different. Its the other way round. Lately, everything happen in my life become my nightmare. I have to cry as hard as I can before I close my eyes, so that I can sleep in fatigue till the morning. If not.. This will happen. Wake up in the middle of night, and my mind will start wander idly, then expecting sleep to take me. Well actually, it just making myself more alert. There goes the starting point of my migraine.
I thought I can get over H.I.M easily in no time. Cos its not like its my 1st time broke up with a guy. I met a new guy named Andy, turn out im hurting myself more. The harder i tried to distract myself, the more i destruct myself.
Last few weeks, on my way home in a rainy day. I almost got into an accident. I didn't realize that I was passing through a red traffic light. I only noticed those honking after a while.. But its wierd, why ain't my heart beating fast as usually when we are nervous? And I just continue driving like nothing happen. Until i found myself driving for quite sometime and i don't know where am i going?! That moment remind me of "The Day".
The last day I met H.I.M, he sent me the sms.. Said he's sorry that he can't pursue... THE END. I was speechless, stunned.. Then, i was like "where am i?" , "what brought me this far?" That moment... That feeling.. Still here, still strong. H.I.M one that i never want to put in my memories. I want H.I.M to be part of me. As memories will fade away someday..
All this while, i never thought im still standing "here". What happen to "life have to move on"?
But im lucky to have Min by my side.. She's the only person can "Wake" me up and hold my soul from wandering away. Its a wonderful feeling to have somebody hug u in the morning everytime u woke up, and hear the word " Mom, I love you Mom". "Mom, don't cry. Its ok. Mom" though they're just simple words. She never failed to persuade me everytime im crying. But sometime... She try to make it a different way by saying "want call daddy?". I was amazed when 1st time i heard that. How can a 3 years old girl understand a 30 yrs old lady's feeling?
I dream of H.I.M almost every night lately. Sometime I dream the moment we 1st met here in Kuching. Sometime, i dream H.I.M standing infront of me but he can't recognize me. It doesn't matter anymore. As long as he stay in my dream.. I'll be so grateful.

Laydee_N : Now, I'm declaring myself MARRIED to... My Sweetest Nightmare.
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