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Thursday, September 29, 2011

He's My STAR

I feel the wind blow in this place
There I see the stars beyond this window pane
Shining so bright here in this night
Deep in my heart I cry for you
Every tear that falls feels like a wound
The stars in the skies gently shine taking away my pain
I hear a voice gently saying “ Don’t be afraid..
I feel the warmth come over me as I sleep in their embrace
And even though I do not have the strength to go on
Even though I try to hold on
This love will never ever be meant for me
But I’ll keep on smiling
Even though my dream won’t come true
I’ll remember every moment with you like the stars shine forever
I’ll treasure my love for you

Laydee_N  :  When you can love somebody without a reason, then you will never can stop loving them without a reason. 
I saw a lonely guy, away from his family trying to be a better person. 

Nothing is better than Something and Everything

This guy always say that he have NOTHING, why i'm so in love with H.I.M?
I really wish H.I.M had NOTHING so NOTHING come between us. NOTHING can stop our relationship. At least i can be somebody to H.I.M, 1 who will stay by his side taking care of H.I.M, comfort H.I.M, love H.I.M like no 1 can do. Sound selfish right?
People always say i have everything, i can get anything i want.. But the truth is that EVERYTHING is NOTHING.
This remind me of few guys out there. They want to know what kind of guy that i like. Im still wondering. "LIKE" is not the word. Its who i "WANT" to spend all my life with.
If "LIKE", obviously i like a good looking guy, taller than me and so on. Hehehehe...
If "WANT", 1st he can accept My Little Princess ( not because of she's adorable) ;p. 2nd ->Orphan, so he's a very independant guy. Ok, thats all for now. But sorry, the vacancy not ready to be open yet. Hehehehe... But u can fill in the form 1st. Perhaps i'll consider it when im ready.
Why am i so in love with this guy? I'll tell u in my next entry.

Laydee_n : Can i just say "I DO" to somebody else while im in love with another guy? Is that a sin?
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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Can you just GIVE UP?!!!

Don't you know how to give up??
Should I show you how??
Perlu kaaa???
Or which part of  "I DON'T WANT" you don't understand??
Or you just TAK FAHAM BAHASA?!!!
But all the while I speak MANDARIN with you!!
Cos you can't really speak other language..
And your BM sucks than mine!!!
Com'on... I'm going CRAZY laa like this.

Sorry.. I can't stand any of this anymore... Uuuurrrghhhhh!!!
eh... why should I say sorry? Tarik Balik...
I'm out....

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Cuti lagi dan lagi..

Wake me up when September end... Boleh ker macam tu? Heee.. Semalam ntah kol brape tdo. TV pun tak off sampai pagi, tetiba jer Min bangun cium pipi "wake up, mom. See cartoon." kesian lak tengok Min, tapi mata ni memang tak leh buka. Melekat semacam jer. Then, dah 2 3 kali kejut I tak bangun2. Min pun give up, die bagi kiss Good night plak. Hahahaha... Tak kira pagi petang siang malam, asal tido jer "Good Night" laa tu.
Cuti2 Sarawak ni, nak buat aper ek? Sehari suntuk baring main PS. Rasa macam lumpuh jer..
Haaa.. Tadi blogwalking kjp, terjumpa entri blogger namanya aper dah eh? Aiish.. Lupa dah!! Entri die memang best. Tu kalau post kat wall fb confirm jadi Isu terhangit di pasar ikan.
kesimpulan dari entri tu, kalau takat pandai cakap jer, tapi disuruh turun padang.. Tercengang jer. Aper cer.. Err.Hmmmm.. No komen. Ni laa keje time2 cuti, tak lain tak bukan. Dok mengata orang. Hahahhahahha..
Laydee_n: Now, Min tido.. Good Night sayang.
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Lost in the Sweetest Nightmare

Those pictures.. No body know they are still in my FB all this while except me. No body know H.I.M still remain in me. No body know what im going through after he left. For the 1st time in my life, i lost my way.
Usually we hear people say "Dream came True". But mine, its different. Its the other way round. Lately, everything happen in my life become my nightmare. I have to cry as hard as I can before I close my eyes, so that I can sleep in fatigue till the morning. If not.. This will happen. Wake up in the middle of night, and my mind will start wander idly, then expecting sleep to take me. Well actually, it just making myself more alert. There goes the starting point of my migraine.
I thought I can get over H.I.M easily in no time. Cos its not like its my 1st time broke up with a guy. I met a new guy named Andy, turn out im hurting myself more. The harder i tried to distract myself, the more i destruct myself.
Last few weeks, on my way home in a rainy day. I almost got into an accident. I didn't realize that I was passing through a red traffic light. I only noticed those honking after a while.. But its wierd, why ain't my heart beating fast as usually when we are nervous? And I just continue driving like nothing happen. Until i found myself driving for quite sometime and i don't know where am i going?! That moment remind me of "The Day".
The last day I met H.I.M, he sent me the sms.. Said he's sorry that he can't pursue... THE END. I was speechless, stunned.. Then, i was like "where am i?" , "what brought me this far?" That moment... That feeling.. Still here, still strong. H.I.M one that i never want to put in my memories. I want H.I.M to be part of me. As memories will fade away someday..
All this while, i never thought im still standing "here". What happen to "life have to move on"?
But im lucky to have Min by my side.. She's the only person can "Wake" me up and hold my soul from wandering away. Its a wonderful feeling to have somebody hug u in the morning everytime u woke up, and hear the word " Mom, I love you Mom". "Mom, don't cry. Its ok. Mom" though they're just simple words. She never failed to persuade me everytime im crying. But sometime... She try to make it a different way by saying "want call daddy?". I was amazed when 1st time i heard that. How can a 3 years old girl understand a 30 yrs old lady's feeling?
I dream of H.I.M almost every night lately. Sometime I dream the moment we 1st met here in Kuching. Sometime, i dream H.I.M standing infront of me but he can't recognize me. It doesn't matter anymore. As long as he stay in my dream.. I'll be so grateful.

Laydee_N : Now, I'm declaring myself MARRIED to... My Sweetest Nightmare.
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Thursday, September 15, 2011

Married soon!!

Heeee... Macam best jer kan? Surprise.. Surprise... ;) Ni laaa hikmah I resign kot. Hahahahahha.. Ooopppss. Hehehhe. Control ayu sikit. ;D

Laydee_N : dreaming all d time.. Hmmmm..
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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

............. Madness Session

 Poker Madness
 This is where I met My Darl... Mr. Kojex.. and Mohd Rashid from Singapore.
Now... they are all "LEGEND"

Everytime I miss My Darl.. This what I did..
Mana laaa tau terjumpa die lagi... or pengganti die ker.. ooopppsss.. heee.

Condemning Madness

Heeee... ni plak tension2 keje...
Mengutuk boss plak..  hahahhaha.
Abaikan la yer..

 Boring Madness

Ni plak.. Musim boring giler.
Comment tak putus2... rasa macam chatting.
Padahal, dok satu office.... heeee.
Mengutuk tak habis2....
Tu aahhh... kalau dah sakit hati, aper lagi nak dikato?

 Sigh~ Madness

This one... some kind of repentance, disappointment, and... MOGOK gak kot.
Menyedihkan.... and of cos, MENYAKITKAN HATI!!

Laydee_N : pujuk rayu mu tak ku heran laaaa..... To be Continued!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Resign Part II

Dekat-dekat nak resign ni.. ader2 jer Kayu Balak tumbang melintang tengah jalan!!!
Aper KES??!!
2 of my colleague also want to resign....
Ikutkan nak kene buang.. cos semalam 2 2 tak datang keje.
Tak juga call inform boss, bila d contact.. tak jawab.
hmmm... No komenG.
Haaabeeeessss laaaaa... Confirm kene tahan lagi nih.
Aaaahhh... Peduli aper. Cukup masa chow terus.
Nanti orang tua tu fikir I ni kebuloq duit dier...
Tak ku heran lerrrr... Huh~
Suka sangat buang pekerja kan??
So... Keje laa sorang2.

Laydee_N : Now bru kol 2pm...??Arrrggghhh.... I rasa dah sehari suntuk bekerja!!! aiiisshhhhhh....

Monday, September 12, 2011

Bad girl gone Bad..

Nothing much to say.. When u already marked as a b#%&@ by somebody. What more can u say? Hmmm.. What ever laa labu!! Tak mati kene sumpahan orang. Ko bahagia kutuk aku macam2, takper.. Im fine. Say what ever make u happy, im happy for u too. Hahahahhahahhaha.. Eh, macam Bad girl gone mad jer. Salah.. Salah.
Tutup laa crita2 jahat nih. Dah jahat, nak cakap aper? Makin banyak cakap, makin laa jahat. Kan labu? 

Tadi.. I dgn adik i nisa g pusing2 town kejap. Then terjumpa laaaa.. Sorang orang tua. Bukan nak tunjuk baik laaa konok! Just tak tahan tengok orang tua tu jalan macam sakit kaki. Tapi memang sakit kaki pun. Kesian, then sanggup pusing balik nasib masih kat situ. Yer laa, memang setengah nyawa die berjalan dengan kaki macam tu. Die blom tua sangat. Umur die baru 50 lebih jer. Tapi die pernah terjatuh dulu and mungkin tak mampu nak gi berubat.. So melarat. Sigh~
So kami bawa laa naik keta, hantar pulang rumah. Rumah die memang tak jauh dari tempat kite jumpe die, lebih kurang 5min jalan kaki (bagi orang yang sihat normal).
Sampai rumah die, adeh mak. Dok kat rumah kedai!! Tingkat 2 lagi tu, lagi laaa kesian. Teringin nak tunjuk kat korang macam mana die naik tangga tu hari2. Die merangkak macam baby naik tangga. My sis nak dukung die, tapi die tak kasi plak. I nak dukung, boleh.. Tapi pastu 2 2 terhumban ke belakang balik. Lagi parah.
Dah sampai atas, actually takder yang mengejutkan laa. Cos memang tak expect apa2. Kosong xder sofa or perabot. Just sebuah meja, botol minyak tanah, dapur minyak tanah, beras sepaket, and barang2 asas. Bilik tdo, katil.. Ntah laa, mmg tunggu masa nak roboh. 
Ni laa yang orang kata "Kita susah, ada lagi lebih susah". Paling menyedihkan, die sebatang kara. Abang die bru meninggal. Ade 2 orang lagi kakak, tapi ntah kenapa bila dihubungi mereka tak pernah nak jawab. Eh lupe lak bagitau nama die ni, namanya miss Lim. Miss Lim ni tak pernah berkawen so takder keluarga lain selain adik beradik die jer.Die keje sbagai cleaner. Gaji RM250 sebulan, 3 kali seminggu jer turun keje. Ada bantuan sebanyak RM300 sebulan, tu pun macam chipsmore. Kekadang ada. Kekadang takder. Sewa rumah RM260 sebulan.. Blom bil elektrik, air, telefon. Makan minum? Aduh.. Macam mana kalau die memang dah tak mampu bekerja? 
Sesungguh Allah s.w.t. Maha penyayang.. Biarpun miss Lim bukan Islam, Dia masih buka pintu rezeki untuk miss Lim walaupun tak seberapa. Cukup untuk meneruskan sisa hidup.

Laydee_N: Miss Lim, kalau laa i btol2 artis or model macam miss Lim fikir tu.. If only i nih Artis / model yang kaya laaaa, i nak buka rumah kebajikan yang paling selesa untuk orang2 tua yang terbiar macam miss Lim. Ramai.. Just tak mampu nak tolong semua. :(
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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Past = Past

Past is past, that is what people always say when they try to convince themself or others to move on to next phase. But somehow for some reason, it never work on me. My past, my family background and now my current status.. They all matter to people around me.
I met a lot of people.. They all said the same thing. Past is past, who u r now that is all matter. So now for me they are all equally bull #*%@. Sorry for that.
I have a friend with a very bad past experience. She ever went for abortion twice last time, affair with others husband, skip class, attitude wise very... Unacceptable. But after she met a guy, which not really her taste i can say.. They are working in a same company, same department.. Fall in love, married last year and just delivered a cute baby boy last May. She's totally change, nothing like before. Amazing, right? Now, can u say "name ur friends and i will tell u who u are."?? That is my very best friend, so tell me.. Who am i?
My colleague, last few months was in the same status with me. Widow. She's married last May and make herself the second wife. Some people said.. It's even worst. Hmmm... What ever. Mr. A, the husband.. Whom i ever hate before.. End up, i respect him the most. How he took the responsible as man and as a husband of two. So far, i never heard any complain from Mrs. A (my colleague) anymore as she always did before. Sometime she cried but now, i can see her smile. But deep inside, i know she still crying. But thats what she want. To be with the one she love.. Nothing come easy for something that we want the most. Hasle, tears, broken hearts, sometime even worst.. All the curses, only to the women. It might sound like a fairy tale to us. Easy come easy go.
Why im writting this entry today? Its because of a guy i met few months ago. He told me that he will never let me go.. How can he tied me if he never had me? I did try to give him a chance, but it never turn out right. I believe its my bad cos im still in love with my "past". H.I.M. I used to forgive and forget somebody so easy. Now not anymore. I became a very protective person. Now refuse and rejecting is what im good at. I refuse to accept any appology if it remind me of my past. I reject all guys who say, past is past. Back to this guy.. Mr. AJ. He told me he had a girlfren who is currently staying with him in KL. His fb status : ENGAGED. So i was like.. Oook. What ever. But yet he still never stop bothering me. Just like my stupid boss. Well, its not about the girlfren actually. Its him.. Himself. He nothing like Mr. A. Of cos i cant compare them. Bcos of the age. Mr. A is very matured man who is at his age of 40. While Mr. AJ only 27. We can say he still a boy. Yeah.. He still act like 1. Im not really in the mood to write anything more about this boy. He just another black spot in my life. Thats all..
A 36 years old man can't stand to protect me, what make him a 27 years old boy think he can't handle me?
So ladies.. Im not saying that we dont need a man in our life. Learn to stand by urself before u bring them into ur life. Just in case, u fall.. Alone.

Laydee_n : H.I.M -1 ever make me really HAPPY and also 1 ever broke my heart so badly.. i cant even put them back together. Yet H.I.M still d only 1 i can love.
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