Perfect Nightmare

I don't really think people care much bout my entries lately.
Well doesn't really matter anyway, just a note for my lil' princess..

I never used to think what is best for me until I have MIN. After my divorce, everything was upside down. My reluctance to face the truth drive me crazy. But I'm lucky to have friends like Mdm. Ila, Mr. Kojek and My Darl.... They are still my best listener up to this day. 

Just things are different right now. Mdm Ila... she's busy with her little one, family and works.Cut it short, distance is the main point. For Mr. Kojek, I'm sorry. Very much sorry... I know it's hurt when you have to pretend to listen to me whining. You're really good in it. But I'm really sorry I can't help myself to stop talking bout him. My Darl........ he such a sweet guy that I ever met. Falling in love with his man is like heaven on earth to me. He's like a drug to me. But..... too bad, his side... nothing I can tell. Unpredictable that I have to ask bout his feeling all the time. Well, actually I just love to hear those 3 words from him. It make my heart dance.. and moony. My family, My friends and even my ex-husband asked me why out of all guys in this world I choose him??? I was gape ( when my ex-hubby asked), why??? I did asked My Darl the same question few times, But actually, I never bother to find the answer. I don't have the right to judge anybody. Myself alone is enough to make me crazy for me to judge. Recently, I was thinking of letting him go to the wild. :p hahaha.. For a moment, I feel like I don't deserve him at all. As much as I want to wait for him, patience can run thin dooh... He leaves me a huge hole in my heart, tears in my eyes, stupid thoughts in my head. But he still My Darl. I will wait forever if that what it takes. Waiting is what I hate the most but it's what I'm good at. But... too much BUT... I wish he will tell me when is the moment shouldn't wait.

Guess it's time for me to find my own happiness, instead of dreaming for a "prince charming" to come and bla.. bla.. bla.. Happy Ending. Unbelievable... hmmm.. funny actually. Well, this is it. 

HOLD YOUR BREATH, CLOSE YOUR EYES... A NEW LIFE with or without HIM will BEGIN. 

Laydee_N : see...?? how I can sit the whole day and talk about him.... Might 1 of d reason scared him off. :p

Another day... Again

Dear Diary,

He never on his YM on his I-Phone anymore, He never said " luv u 2" n "Miss u" tome anymore, He never call me at 6am anymore, He never text me when he's busy anymore.... Why?

I took a half day leave yesterday.. I slept the whole evening.. Now, I'm still wake up at 3am and waiting. 

Marilyn Monroe : *Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.*

Another Day...

[Sigh] No matter how I try to force my self to sleep....

I still end up this way!! Wake up at 3AM!!!

Why can't I just S.T.O.P thinking of him just for.... at least 1 second

No wonder..... when you are in love

it's hard for you to sleep.. cos

finally, your dream come true..

That make sense..

Why do you need to dream on when the reality are already like heaven to you??

But that's not what happening to me...

Last time, I don't really care if he don't stay in my real world...

Cos I can still see him in my dream... Sometime, I just close my eyes

He's the ONLY person I saw..

Now.. all fading away. 

He don't even exist in my dream anymore...

I can't find him anywhere...

The only way I can see him...

Pictures of him

I just can't stop my self..

It's really tiring when you keep on chasing for something that running away from you

But I just can't help my self

My body.. every part of me.. they're like not mine anymore

None of them I can control now...

My eyes.. won't sleep even I'm sleepy

My thoughts... keep wondering around like crazy

My hand.. only write his name over and over again

My ears.. only want to listen to his voice

My heart... even it's hurt so much, it still won't stop

If I stop them.. my whole body will stop too

But things are different when I'm in office..

Well, at least I can have my NORMAL life for 9 hours in a day..

Rest of the time.... I'm L.O.S.T

I eat a lot to make me feel sleepy...

I keep my self busy entertain my Baby Min.. so I get tired and sleep

Watch movies so my brain only focus on the movies

Sound crazy...

But that happen when you're relationship start to GROWING APART...

you don't know who you are...

you don't know where you stand..

you don't know what to do...

All you do is drifting along with the UNKNOWN relationship..

I never been in this situation before

And I don't wish to fall in to it again!

It's better if we go tru for BREAK UP...

cos at least you know you're no longer somebody to him / her

you know you need go on..

Laydee_N : Please.. darl... Let me go.. or just push me away if I keep coming to you..

Happy 2011!!!

 Happy New Year... it's the 5th day of 2011.

Been a while didn't visit my sweet diary and my friends here...

Actually there's a lot to update with u guys..

But don't know where to start.

hmm... I should start from "What I Want For My New Year?"

What?? 

I'm not sure myself... hehehhe..

I do have one in mind, but it's better for me to keep it myself.

I think Baby Min want the same thing for herself..

Non-Stop repeat the sentence " I Want ....... " over and over again..

To bad, it's not something that I can buy for her.

I don't even own "it".

I really wish that Baby Min can understand every words I say..

Laydee_N : Darl, Please stay....